Let’s Talk About Mental Health With Phoebe White
In light of it being mental health awareness week, I wanted to do something a little different in approaching this topic. I reached out to my very good friend, Phoebe, who herself has struggled through her own journey with mental health. It was important for me to ensure that this post be as organic and honest as possible as the topic of mental health is such a vast one and ultimately, should be spoken about more. There is commonly a taboo around discussing mental health and even questions regarding what is really means. Phoebe is an admirable individual who has learnt a lot from her experiences and continues to learn. I came up with some questions which I sent over to her and below you can read what she had to say in her responses.
L: It would be great if you could give a brief explanation of what you have struggled with in terms of your own mental health.
P: When I was 13 years old I was diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa and Clinical Depression.
I was hospitalized and began to really realize that this was an illness that many people suffered from. I stayed at the Priory for a couple months but never accepted nor wanted to recover.
In 2020, age 21, I returned to the Priory on a crisis admission, this time in the Adult Mental Health Ward.
The year prior to my hospitalisation was was filled with massive lows. It was a very scary time as I had no idea what was really wrong with me. It was during this hospital stay that I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.
In 2021, almost exactly a year after my previous hospitalization, I was back in the Priory for Cocaine Addiction. This stint in hospital was the only one that I believe made any difference. I was on a very strict therapy regime, had a new psychiatrist who switched up my medications, and for once in my life I truly had every intention of getting better. It was nearly 10 years since my first hospitalization and I was going to make damn sure it was my last.
I started to really get better, both in terms of my eating disorder and BPD, as well as staying clean.
Fast forward to March 2022 and my Dad was diagnosed with Cancer. I don’t even really know how to write about this as after all I had been through in the past 10 years, the following couple of months would be the most painful thing I had ever experienced. On May 25th 2022 my Dad passed away and my heart completely broke.
It is now May 2023, almost a year on, and it still hurts just as much. I have recently quit my job and gone back to therapy to begin to deal with the grief and loss as well as everything else that resurfaced over the past year
L: Lots of people may not know how best to understand their own mental health. If someone is worried about their own mental health, what are some good things to do?
P: Firstly, I would say talk to someone you trust, such as a friend or family member. It can be helpful to share your concerns and how you’re feeling with someone else in order to gain another perspective. It can also make you feel less alone. If anyone is struggling at the moment and doesn’t know who to talk you, I’m more than happy for you to contact me!
Do some research. There are incredible resources out there to guide and help you understand what you're going through, and how to feel better. Read my blog for more - mymentallife.co.uk
Lastly, I would recommend starting therapy! It can be completely life changing and provide you with a safe, non-judgemental place to discuss your thoughts, feelings and concerns. Your therapist is there to support you and help you work through your challenges, no matter what they may be. It can help you develop a deeper understanding of yourself and your patterns of thinking and behaviour.
L: Are there any signs that people can look for or be aware of in determining what someone they know might be going through?
P: It can vary depending on the individual and the specific mental health condition they may be experiencing. However, some common signs to look out for would be change in mood or sudden mood swings, changes in behaviour such as eating habits or sleep, physical symptoms such as weight loss as well as social withdrawal.
L: So, once these signs have been recognised, if someone is worried about a friend or relative, what should they do?
P: I would say to kindly and sensitively approach the topic and just ask them how they are. More often than not people will be happy that you asked and to be given the opportunity to be listened to.
L: Do you have any advice on where to seek support?
P: If you are struggling with your mental health, I would advise going to your GP. They themselves can provide your with help, or they may refer you to a psychiatrist or therapist.
L: So far this year, what have been some of your high points?
P: One high point for me has definitely been moving in with my boyfriend. It’s a really special time and I’ve loved creating a home for us. Another high points has been going back to therapy. I have recently started seeing a new therapist who has given me a new perspective on my mental health and is helping me enormously to take back control of my brain and begin to manage my BPD symptoms.
L: When do you feel most yourself and most happy?
P: When I have a really good routine and am keeping busy. It’s really important for me to feel like I have a purpose and that I am achieving things, whether that's work wise or at home. I know this may sound silly but nothing makes me happier than ticking everything off my to-do-list. I would also say that I’m at my happiest during summer, so I can’t wait for the weather to get warmer and for the skies to stay blue.
L: It’s totally normal for everyone to fluctuate with their emotions and have good and bad days. If you are having a low day, how do you deal with that and get though it?
P: Accept that this is the way you are feeling now, whilst also recognising that is hasn’t always been like this and will not always be like this. It’s so important to know that these feelings will pass and tomorrow is a new day with new opportunities. Everything is temporary.
There are a few things you can do when you feel low or helpless:
Write a plan for the day, including tasks you need to get done (homework, cleaning or laundry), some form of exercise (even a short walk), self-care practices (taking a bath or shower) and meal times to keep your energy up.
Take in positive content and avoid social media platforms that could make you feel worse. I stopped myself going on Instagram the other day as I knew that seeing photos of people together and having fun would only increase and worsen my feelings of loneliness. Instead, I put Queer Eye on and let the episodes play in the background.
Go outside. When you’re feeling low, a lot of people simultaneously find that they exclude themselves and shut off from friends and family. When I find myself doing this, I try to go for walks. Give yourself a change of scenery. If you have the energy to be social, spend time with people you’re comfortable with, people you don’t have to impress or fake happiness with.
Talk, and if you don’t want to, write. Materialising your thoughts can help you make sense of them. I find that writing down my thoughts and reading them back can help me validate the way I feel and make sense of things. It can stop you being totally overwhelmed.
Know when to push yourself and when not to - don’t overwhelm yourself. It’s okay to take a mental health break for an hour or a day. Your mental health is more important than any piece of homework or job.
L: Are there any activities you do which make you feel more positive?
P: Exercise is so important. Writing out your thoughts and feelings and make a mind map. Cleaning, I know this is strange but a tidy house is a tidy mind. Doing my skincare and make up - self care!!! Spend time with close friends and family. Reading, I’ve recently started reading books that my therapist recommends me and writing notes.
L: What are you most grateful to have learnt through your own journey with mental health?
P: The ability to understand others. I’m a very emotional person. Just seeing someone who looks lonely on the tube can make me cry, but it’s a good quality as it enables me to help and truly understand people. I try and be an open book when it comes to my mental health, as although part of me is terrified of judgement, I know that by sharing what I’ve been through and am going though, I can help other people feel less alone.
L: If you could go back and give your younger self advice, what would that be?
P: Oh my god there is so much I wish I was able to tell my younger self but here are a few things:
Being the thinnest person in the world has no benefits. You will not be happier, more popular or more attractive. You’ll spend years starving and miserable.
Stop comparing yourself to everyone around you and see on social media. It’s destructive and will trap you in a cycle of never feeling good enough.
Be your authentic self and live your life the way you want, not the way you think you should.
Spend more time with your Dad.
L: To finish up, what final bits of advice would you give to those reading this who may be struggling?
P: Read ‘Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It” and put into practice everything that the author recommends.
Be open. Talk to your family and friends or anyone you’re comfortable with.
Even if you feel hopeless, alone or lost, know that life is full of endless possibilities and pathways and if you put the effort in, things will get better.
